Reason for resolution failure and possible solution: The 5 Why’s
By: Barbara Kissam, MD
As we approach the months following New Year’s often time we get discouraged and ask ourselves “ Why can’t we follow through with these resolutions?” We start to get discouraged and often there can be a lot of negative self-talk or shame. We can fail in our resolutions even though we have the time and energy for them and even if we can succeed at confronting and overcoming the “ hardness” of doing the task necessary to reach the resolved goal.
I believe the first most important reason for failure is this: if what we resolve is not especially important to us, we are unlikely to follow through on it. When we set a resolution to do something that does not address the main concern in our lives it tends to fall by the wayside. In this case, the change that were seeking to make doesn’t connect to our core life values and goals. In other words it is perhaps “ Nice to have” or “ Nice to be able to” achievement but without a greater meaning or consequence in our lives. Therefore such goals do not have the context and support for a greater good that’s worth putting forth a lot of effort and therefore usually is not worth doing the work to achieve the end results.
Example: “ I want to lose 20 pounds.” Why? Sometimes we don’t even ask ourselves the first why let alone the second third fourth or fifth why. This is a crucial part to having a successful process! You have to discover your noble truth and your ultimate concerns and have them firmly in mind. Many of us have not yet fully or deeply articulated our ultimate concerns. It is a journey of self-discovery which often times is difficult to process and fully answer by ourselves without support. You start with” I want to lose 20 pounds.” WHY?? “ Because I want to look better on the beach in my bathing suit this summer.” WHY?? “ Because I want to feel more attractive.” WHY??? “ Why do I feel unattractive?” You see how the series of self-questioning can become uncomfortable or even scary. The answer maybe a lifelong fear or even conviction that “ I am ugly” or “ I am unlovable” or “ I am not worthy of being loved” or “ I will find out who I really am and they will not like me”…
Not everyone of course has dark fears or convictions but sometimes we do and we may be anxious or have false beliefs about ourselves. Resolutions or an opportunity to align your actions with what transcend you and probe into yourself and what drives you. Some people need help with processing and aligning what they desire for themselves and how to get there. As a developmental behavioral pediatrician I have worked with many children and adolescents to help them achieve their goals and break through the barriers that have hindered them in the past. I myself know that I’m prone to procrastination and this weighs on me. I want to see if living in the light of taking on this belief of “ it’s one day at a time. Control, what I can control. Accept what I have no control over.” Will serve me and help me become my best self.
At Child and Family Development we collaborate with each other as clinicians and therapists to create a plan that will help our families to achieve their goals and be successful in this upcoming year. If you or your child would like assistance with meeting your goals for 2024 our team would love to collaborate.
